Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
