There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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