so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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