Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
