Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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