Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
