he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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