lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
