Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
