No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
