Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
