Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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