Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
