I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
