He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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