I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
