I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
