proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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