Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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