hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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