he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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