Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
