I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
