lets start a swedish sibling band together
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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