I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
