Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were trust falling into bushes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
