Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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