Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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