i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
