So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
