I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
