I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
