how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
