I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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