Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
