make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
