apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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