New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
