remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
