They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
