I think scott just propositioned me for sex
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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