you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
