There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
