i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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