Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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