how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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