Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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