He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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