He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
