Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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