Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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