Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't turn off my feet"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize