i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
